Presser #4

Judging by the overwhelming response from the request for more press conference questions, I have decided to convene the press corps right . . . . now.

Stoney and Wojo: What's your beef?

Ian: Well, as you know, I always try to look for the positives in my performance (in life). Sometimes, things get on my nerves. Normally, I feel that it is difficult to get me angry, but it is possible. Unlike Marge Simpson, who writes a list of things about Homer that make her mad and then tears it up and puts it in his food, I will reveal mine to the world. I am going to go through this list without naming any names, so as not to spread "lashon hara."

1. ______'s refusal to buy a map of Jerusalem. Therefore, they constantly get lost anytime they have to leave their four-block comfort zone.
2. ______'s digestive system. That's about all I am going to say about that.
3. _______'s water bottle. It constatly falls out of their backoack, ruining the flow of converstaion.

That's about it for now. Oh, we all know about Ian's relationship with the bouncer at a certain club in Tel Aviv. That would be at the top of the list.

Blog-obsessed Jewish mother: Ian, I know you went to a K'veesa. Did you meet your beshert (soul mate) there? Things like that happen in laundromats.

Ian: No I did not meet my beshert at the laundromat, but I did meet a telemarketer who revealed some of the ins and outs of the telemarketing industry. Maybe I met my beshert industry? I learned that, if you sell an exciting product, telemarketing can be a lot of fun. You can really bang on someone's tea kettle (hock people's chainiks).

Troubleshooting: Which summer blockbuster that are you most looking forward to but may not be able to see because intermission might ruin it?

Ian: I am going to have to say Pirates of the Caribbean. I have learned that there are movie theaters that do not take intermisions. Let's hope that Pirates plays at a theater that does not feature ten minutes of dead time in the middle of the screening.

Down on The Corner: Thoughts on the announcement of Tiger Stadium's demolition. Who's your Tiger?

Ian: If the project will contribute to the economic reviltalization of Detroit, I will support it 100%. However, I would like to see how the plans commemorate the history of the site. I would like to see a museum erected and the field preserved.

Right now, my Tiger is Wilfredo Ledezma. He has been one of my favorite Tiger prospects, but other fans have doubted his abilities. Hopefully, he is on the team to stay.

Inventory: Refrigerator update.

Ian: Half watermelon, nine apriots, eight plums, two mangos, hummus, three liters of nectar. (i recently removed some week-old grapes)

Book worm: Book(s) on your nightstand update?

Ian: I am currently learning about how Ari ben Canaan became Ari ben Canann in the Leon Uris classic Exodus. I have already completed Primo Levi's Survival in Auschwitz. On the subject of Exodus, I am planning a two-day trip to Acco (Acre), site of the infamous prison rebellion from Exodus.

Ian: To conclude this press conference, I would like to release an official statement on the subject of Shmooze at Festifall.

Late last week, I received an e-mail confirming our participation at this year's Festifall event. It has been a longer-than-expecteed process, but we are in. I have been running up and down Ben Yehuda Street screaming and celebrating the announcement so much that the women who claims that she is the messiah thinks I am crazy. As discussed at the final Shmooze meeting of the spring, the Shmooze booth will have traditional Jewish cultural foods and flyers about what Shmooze is (let's pose the question of how many times I can use the 20-second Shmooze pitch at Festifall?)

I would like to remind you to continue sending you press conference questions. Just click on the link on the top right.