The best five dollars I've ever spent

I have recently fielded some complaints from other Peace Corps Volunteers about the cleanliness of my bathroom - the toilet seat, in particular.

Now, this is something I take very seriously. Some of them wouldn't even sit down to do to the bathroom.

I am a firm believer that there is a direct correlation between how comfortable one is with their toilet and their overall disposition. If one has a reliable, clean toilet, they will be calmer and generally more productive. But if something is awry with one's toilet, it can dramatically affect their lives.

A case study:

During my first three months at site, I was not very comfortable. I attribute most of this to the state of the bathroom at my host family's house. First off, I had to walk through my host parent's bedroom to go to the bathroom - meaning that the bathroom was essentially closed from 10:00 pm - 6:00 am. This bathroom was shared between four adults, meaning that access to the bathroom during prime time (6:00 am - 8:00 am) was not always guaranteed. Then, when I could get into the bathroom, the toilet didn't even flush. I had to fill a bucket with water and throw that bucket of water down the toilet with enough force to imitate a flush. Sometimes, the toilet water splashed on to the floor, meaning that I would have to undertake a clean-up effort.

This all added up to me being generally anxious and always scheming about when I would be able to use a dependable bathroom. I was a nervous wreck.

Now, I have always felt comfortable using the toilet at my house. I have repeatedly cleaned the entire room with bleach and there are some spots that just won't come out. I was troubled by the fact that my friends didn't feel comfortable using the toilet in my house. I want this to be a home away from home where my friends are comfortable being themselves.


And I found this situation troublesome.

So I took action. I went to the local hardware store and inquired about how much it would cost to buy a new toilet seat.

The woman who works there told me it would cost five dollars.

Problem solved.


(This will be the first in a series of posts about lavatories.)

Can you do this with your sweaty forehead?

Human beings perspire.

It is completely natural. We sweat to cool off.

Living in the sauna that is Arenillas in the rainy season, one sweats a lot. Sometimes, it feels as if you are living with a permanent layer of sweat over your body - even when taking a cold shower.

It seems completely natural to try to wipe the sweat off your forehead.

It builds up. You get uncomfortable, and you don't want the sweat to just sit there. So you wipe it off. (In the world sauna championships, competitors are allowed to wipe sweat off their face)

But, down here, they don't just wipe the sweat off their forehead. The forehead-wipe is also accompanied by a wrist flick in an apparent effort to get the sweat off your (already-sweaty) hand.

This first came to my attention a few weeks ago during a balmy meeting at city hall. The fan was broken, and even though the window was open, air wasn't really flowing through.

Every few seconds, the leader of the meeting would wipe the sweat off his forehead. But it wasn't the wiping that caught my attention. It was the accompanying flick that made me notice.

He would flick his wrist with such intensity to get the sweat off his hand that you could tell he was really focusing on this. But sweat never flew off his hand. He kept sweating and kept flicking, but nothing came off.

He must have flicked his wrist hundreds off times during the meeting (he was definitely sweating profusely), but he couldn't wipe enough sweat onto his hand to launch a measurable quantity of perspiration into the air.

Obviously, I found this hilarious.

I quickly found myself explaining this situation to my friends, imitating his exact moves. It started in jest. I was flicking my wrist with the same energy that one with throw a curveball.

I wondered whether it was possible to brush the sweat off my forehead and then flick it into the air in any quantity.

I tried this for a few days but, as expected, couldn't didn't see any sweat flying. I figured it would take me until the end of my service to accomplish this feat.

Then, one steamy evening about a week after the meeting, I was sitting on my couch. I put the back of my index and middle fingers above my eyebrows, wiped the sweat off, and flicked. Like I always did.

But this time was different. I noticed a drop hit the ground.

At first, I didn't believe it. But when I realized that it had to be sweat, I immediately went for my camera.



Here's a step-by-step:

First: Gather sweat with first two fingers.



Flick



Hold position, as if you are shooting a three-pointer.

AREvista (fifth edition)

New edition of AREvista can be found here.

Huaquillas F.C. 1, Condor 0

I showed up at Condor's practice last Tuesday with the AREvista sports writer, ready to interview the head coach about his team's performance through the first part of the season and what he was looking forward to in the second stage.

But when I got to the field, the team's coach from last season, Gary Luna, was in charge. Luna had left Condor during the offseason because another team in Condor's league had offered him more money. He guided that team to a spot in the second round of the provincial tournament. And in the week before the first game of said tournament he is directing Condor's practice.

What's the deal?

Well, Condor really needed a coach because its head coach and assistant coach are both suspended for three months, essentially the duration of the tournament. That explains the need for someone else to come help out.

But didn't Luna ditch Condor for another team?

It's obvious that Bo Schembechler isn't pulling the strings for Condor. There's no "We want a Michigan Man coaching Michigan."

The Condor leadership went after Luna because of his familiarity with the players. My doubt about his presence on the team has to do with how the team played last year in the second round of the provincial tournament - uninspired and unable to score any goals.

Which is kind of how the team played Saturday.

In the first game of the Liguilla, Condor was out-played in every facet, losing 1-0.

Huaquillas controlled everything - from the pace of the game to the crowd. It almost looked as if Condor didn't belong on the same field as them. The opposition looked bigger, stronger, and faster (and had more facial hair). They played with more rhythm and dominated possession. Every time Condor looked like it might have a chance at creating some offense, Huaquillas's defense easily dispatched the risk.

Condor looked unorganized. The defense was shaky. The goalie was off his game. And the offense, as we already know, has no game.

At the end of soccer games, when a team is trailing by one goal, they normally put more pressure on the offensive end and create some game-tying chances. This week saw nothing of the sort. The fans actually started to leave before the whistle blew, even though the home crowd was one point from the tie.

After watching this match, my hopes for the rest of Condor's season aren't diminished, though. There was a large crowd at this week's game, which means that the club made a lot of money on entrance fees. They will now be able to use this money to hire better players (ringers, essentially) to continue improving throughout the season.

Even if a good portion of the crowd was Huaqillas fans traveling 20 minutes down the road, the gate proceeds still go to Condor. It will be interesting to see what kinds of changes Condor makes in the coming weeks because maintaining the status quo would be painful to watch.

That might look like a carrot

I was walking through a street market the other day when I came across an unfamiliar vegetable.

As is my custom when I see some variety of produce for the first time, I asked for a bit more information.

I was told that it is called "zanahoria blanca" (white carrot). They said that it is common in soup. That's the same way they describe quinoa here. (It's like saying "Oh, they put that in cholent.)



Hmm, I thought, I have never heard of a white carrot. I'm sure that there are other uses for this albino carrot. I'll just have to be creative.

So then I went to the best resource for obscure produce - the Internet. According to the Internet, this "white carrot" isn't quite the same as a carrot. It can't be eaten raw and should be treated almost exactly like a potato.

The Wikipedia told me that it is a common food in Brazil. So I asked someone familiar with that culture about it, and she said that she loves this batata-borao (Portuguese name, which calls it a kind of potato), especially in soups.

I thought this was a bit odd. People like eating potatoes, but I have never heard anybody say "I love potatoes." It''s not really the kind of vegetable that you love. It's the kind that you tolerate and might enjoy, but I think love goes a bit too far.

I don't really make soups, but there are so many ways to cook a potato that I figured I would just kind of wing it.

First I took the white carrot. Then I put it in boiling water for about 25 minutes. Then I mashed it up and mixed in some margarine and honey.

Then I stuffed it.



Its flavor is a cross between a potato and a peanut. It is a winner. Expect this to show up on my shabbat dinner table very soon - and frequently.

Shabbat dinner: 5-7-10

This week's shabbat dinner was an intimate affair - just five people.

We had planned on having a large group for dinner but for a variety of reasons (tropical disease-related and otherwise), most couldn't come (which is sad).

But on the bright side, that means there are more delicious leftovers for me.

It was a beautiful, delicious meal. I had some camera issues last night, so I don't have visual proof to share with you. Problem has been resolved, and future meals will be documented in word and image.

Menu

Challah
Hummus
Greek green bean/tomato caserole
Mac and cheese
Banana, noodle kugel
Apple/blackberry crisp

(I previously mentioned two metrics to determine the success of Friday night meals. The first is the percentage of guests in a food coma-like state. The second is how long the table remains silent after the food is initially served.)

Food coma?
Yes. There was a consensus food coma. It was a struggle to get up and wash dishes. I then quickly fell asleep in my hammock.

Silence?
10-15 minutes.

Both very strong indicators of a successful shabbat dinner.

Overheard
After eating three full helpings of goodness, I ran into the proverbial wall. I asked my friend how one would say that in Spanish.

Apparently, it is "entrada de caballo, salida de burro." This literally translates to "entering like a horse, leaving like a donkey."

Condor 1, Santos FC 0

Last week, the Condor faithful spent a half hour after the game clamoring of the referees head.

Tonight, that same group spent a half hour after the game caravanning around Arenillas, celebrating their team's classification into the next round.

That's soccer.

This afternoon, facing a must-win game at Santos FC in Pasaje, Condor netted its point in the 25th minute and held on for the rest of the match to advance to the Liguilla. Now, Condor will face the five best teams in the conference in a ten-game season to advance to a national-level tournament.

This afternoon's game looked like so many of Condor's other matches — scoring early and letting its guard down in the end. But despite allowing three corner kicks and a few other good chances in the final minutes, Condor held on and lives to see another day.

My first celebration caravan

Once we got back to Arenillas, a parade of cars coming back from the game amassed at the bridge. Then for the next 30 minutes, we drove through town, honking our horns and shouting about Condor's big win.

It is fun to see the community get behind its team and should be interesting to see as the season continues.

Punished

Well, after last week's outburst at the referees, Condor head coach Roberto Salazar was suspended by the soccer federation. For the next three months, he is not allowed to be on the sidelines during games.

The team's trainer was also suspended for three months.

Since the stadium was empty and pretty quiet, that didn't really affect their ability to continue doing their jobs. They just did it on the other side of the fence.



But it did create some interesting situations when the Condor players faked injuries and they called over the medic because the team's medic is suspended and there is a rule that the coach can't attend to injuries.

Since the assistant coach was the only person on the sideline, he had to go out and attend to injuries.

Just so you know, he has no medical background. Luckily, all he had to do was spray on the magic, heals-everything solution.

Just a bit outside

The Arenillas radion commentator did his best Harry Doyle impression during today's game, going through quite a few beers while calling the game.

Now, I understand that expectations of what qualifies as acceptable professional behavior might differ between cultures, but I think it might be a little bit out of line when the commentator starts complaining on the air that the next round of beers isn't coming quickly enough.

His main job during games is to read off the advertisements.

By halftime, he was kind of slurring his words together a bit and mixing up the words he was saying. Then, when he was asking about the out-of-town scores, he clearly wasn't paying attention because he had to be told five or six times before being able to tell the audience that Santa Rosa and Fuerza Amarilla were scoreless.


Home away from home

Although Santos is a team from El Guabo, they do not have their own home stadium and have to play their games in Pasaje (half hour from El Guabo). As a result, there were about as many Condor fans on hand as there were Santos fans, canceling out any home-field advantage.

It was so quiet in the stadium that everybody could hear the Radio Voz Arenillas announcers as they broadcast the game. At one point, the radio announcers pointed out a mistake that the refs had made, and everybody else got mad at them.

Phrase of the day

Donde la papa quema - literally means where the potato burns. (I'm pretty sure this is what I heard)

The announcer mentioned this when Condor had some good chances to score. I believe it refers to being in good position to score, as in "They are spending a lot of time down where the potato burns."

Remembering Harwell

Last week, I began a blog post with a quote from the Bible to describe the change in season.

"For, lo, the winter has passed..."

As much as I enjoy quoting the Tanakh, by quoting that phrase, I was quoting legendary Tigers announcer Ernie Harwell, whose soothing, Georgia accent meant the beginning of spring (and more importantly baseball season).

Ernie died yesterday at the age of 92.

Some will remember his catchphrases (the above phrase that he used during the first broadcast each spring, "Like a house by the side of the road", "that ball is long gone", "two for the price of one", etc), but it was Ernie the person who left an indelible mark on Detroit, the State of Michigan, and baseball fans.

For anybody who grew up listening to Tigers broadcasts, Ernie was the voice of summer. There is no logical reason why, growing up in Detroit in the 1990s, baseball would be someone's favorite sport. But Ernie's presence in the booth made listening to games so pleasant and enjoyable no matter how pathetic the Tigers were.

And just by listening to Ernie's broadcasts for the first 14 years of my life and never actually meeting the man was enough for him to be one of the people I most admired. His personality came across through the radio waves, through how he told stories, and narrated the game. He never made himself part of the game. He maintained a professionalism and a humility that was admirable. In an era where broadcasters and journalists increasingly made themselves part of the story, Ernie stayed out of it. He came across as a complete mensch.

When I was 14, I attended an event at the Jewish Community Center that was featuring Ernie. I think it had something to do with a new book he had just written. I realized that I had left my copy of the book at home and didn't have anything for him sign. And like any baseball-obsessed kid, autographs meant everything to me. I felt around in my pocket and realized that I had my baseball yarmulke. I asked Ernie to sign my yarmuulke, and he told me that he had never signed one before but that he would gladly sign it.

Like any other pieces of memorabilia, I should have stored it in a safe place. But with my Ernie Harwell-signed kippah, I was so happy that I wore it around my high school until I could find a replacement baseball kippah.

It was my first personal interaction with Ernie (although listening to him on the radio felt like he was talking directly to you, he was actually speaking to millions of people), and he came across just as he did on the radio - completely down to earth.

A couple of years later, I was interviewed by the Detroit Free Press, and I mentioned that Ernie was one of the people that I most admired. The night that the piece appeared in the paper, the phone at my house rang. It was Ernie. He called me to thank me for the nice things I had said about him in the newspaper. Ernie Harwell, the voice of the Tigers, called my house to thank me for something I said about him in the paper.

The amazing thing is that I know this was just the kind of person Ernie was.

After high school, I worked as an usher at Comerica Park and would often see Ernie around the ballpark. He was always friendly, and when we spoke, he said he remembered signing the kippah and calling me about the article. When some of his friends came to a game and were sitting in my section, he would talk to me for a few seconds before heading back up to the booth. Seeing him around the stadium, he treated everybody else with this same level of respect.

He was a different kind of person.

Judging by the public's reaction to his retirement, his illness, and his death, it is clear that people admired him for much more than simply being the voice of the Tigers.

What made him so memorable isn't what he did in the radio booth and in his life. It is how he did it - with a level of respect, humility, and outreach - that sets him apart.

Fuerza Amarilla 2, Condor 1

Soccer fans are passionate.

Their devout support, through good and bad, is something I wish American fans would display a bit more.

But there are times when this passion crosses the line, like Saturday afternoon.

A near riot broke out in the stadium after the game as the frustrated fan base gathered to take out their anger on the referees for some questionable calls. For half an hour after the game ended, the fans were still gathered there as police officers surrounded the referees to protect them.

Now, I understand that the ref's made some questionable judgments that might have impacted the game. But at the same time, these calls didn't decide the game, and nothing good can come of waiting for the refs to leave the stadium. The game already ended, and the result wasn't going to change.

The calls in question came late in the game with Condor trailing by a goal. The ref called a foul on a Fuerza Amerilla player inside the 18-yard box, which would have resulted in a Condor penalty kick. But the line judge ruled that the foul was not inside the box, but about four centimeters outside.

So instead of taking a shot directly at the goalie, Condor had to face an eight-man wall. The ball sailed over the net, and the whole situation changed the momentum of the game. A few minutes later, a Condor player was called for a red card for what seemed like some incidental pushing. The player and Condor's coach, Roberto Salazar, got in ref's face about the calls, and both had to be restrained by the police.

The refs were unable to restore order to the game for five minutes, and by the time play resumed, they were already in the 47th minute of the half. It seemed clear that the ref's had lost control of the game. And the fans have grounds to gripe.

It crossed the line from acceptable to unacceptable when the common insults about the ref and his mom´s occupation (common prostitute) were replaced by broken beer bottles and mobs at the fence.

Did the refs make some bad calls? Sure.

Did Condor continue to suck at offense? Even more so. Like any other week, if Condor could have converted one of its three golden chances, we wouldn´t be talking about riots.

Instead of getting mad at the refs and waiting for them to leave the stadium so that you can intimidate them further, the Condor fans should ask the club leadership to put more resources into the club, like Fuerza Amarilla did this week.

(Segue into my next point)

There was a buzz in the stadium before the game.

One of the greats in Ecuadorian soccer history was going to be playing for Fuerza Amarilla. Recognizing the importance of this game, the Machala team signed a big name.

Cuchillo Fernandez.

Throughout the 90s and early 00s, Fernandez was a fixture in the Ecuadorian premiere league, playing for some of the country´s top teams. I would say he has spent the last five years in the downward swing of his career.

He is nearly 40 years old and started playing professional soccer before most of his current teammates were born. He is playing the Ecuadorian equivalent of independent minor league baseball.

He can´t play the full 90 minutes any more. He can barely go 45. He subbed in about midway through the second half. He didn`t do too much to wreak havoc on the Condor defense, but his presence on the field definitely changed how Condor defended and led to Fuerza Amarilla´s second goal.

Now, I don´t know about Condor´s financial situation. But I can´t imagine it being out of their price range to hire a player for a game or two to ensure classification to the next round.

Chances to advance

Here is the table of positions. Each team has one game left. The top two advance - the other two go home.

Santa Rosa 8
Fuerza Amarilla 7
Condor 6
Santos FC 6

A team gets three points for a win and one for a tie. Condor plays at Santos. Fuerza Amarilla hosts Santa Rosa. The fun thing about this weekend is that each team has a chance to advance.

Condor controls its own destiny. If it wins, it will advance. According to a conversation I had earlier today, Condor would lose the tiebreaker, which is based on goal differential. So Condor's path is clear: win and advance. Otherwise, the season's over.


Fun word

Futbolisticamente - soccer-wise

My first quince

I remember watching a movie in high school Spanish class called ´´Quince´´. It was about a Mexican girl´s 15th birthday party.

In Latin culture, when a girl turns fifteen, she doesn´t get her learner´s permit. Instead, she has a big party to celebrate the fact that she is no longer a child, that she is now expected to assume the responsibilities on adult.

Sound familiar?

The only things missing are the candle-lighting, Star Trax, the hora, and a mitzvah project.

Last week, I went to my first Quinceñera (15th birthday party). One of the youth from the newspaper group was turning fifteen and invited me to the event, which was going to be held at her house.

When I heard that the party was going to be held at her house, I didn´t know how they were going to pull it off. She doesn´t live in a very big house, and it´s pretty full of stuff. But when I stopped by a little earlier in the afternoon, they had cleared out the entire house and filled the room with a circle of chairs and put another circle of chairs in the yard. Where everything else went I have no idea.

The family had spent the entire week making pink and white decorations for the house. It was really nice, and their hard work definitely paid off.

I was told the event was going to begin at 8:00. I asked some of the other newspaper kids who had been invited what time it was actually going to show up. They said that there was no way it would start before 9:45. So I got there at 9:40, and things got under way just before 10:00. They also told me not to eat beforehand because there was going to be dinner at the party. Well, dinner was not going to be served until the wee hours of the morning, so I had a full meal ahead of time.

Like any event in Ecuador, there was an enumerated order of events to take place. Someone announces the event and its place in the order of the day before said event occurs.

The ceremony started with a procession of various people, starting with something like to flower girls, followed by the birthday girl´s parents, and then the birthday girl, accompanied by her male chaperon (in this case, her brother). The birthday girl takes a seat at the front of the room in a decorated chair.


Then comes the ceremonial changing of the shoes. The birthday girl entered the room wearing some sort of flip-flop house shoe. The flower girls weren´t flower girls. One was a shoe girl. When entering the room, she carried a pillow with a high-heeled shoes perched on top of it. Then birthday girl´s parents perform the shoe-changing ceremony.

After the shoe ceremony, the other flower girl is called up. This one is the makeup girl. On her pillow, she was carrying some makeup. Then the birthday girl´s godmother is called up to apply makeup.

Then, it´s time for the speeches. First, the parents give a tear-jerking speech about how their little girl is all grown up. Then, the birthday girl gives a tear-filled speech, thanking her parents for everything they have done for her and for making this such a special night.

After that there is the first dance, father with daughter and mother with son.

Then, they quote Buzz McAllister and say ´´Enough of this gooey show of emotion.`` Dance party!!!!

And so the dance party begins, rotating ten-minute sets between tecno-cumbia songs (favorites of the parents) and reggaeton (preferred rhythm of the teenagers).

When the adult music is on, all the kids go out to the front yard. When it's time for reggaeton, the kids dominate the dance floor and the parents sit down. There was no klezmer set, so I stayed seated the whole time.

After the first dance set, there is one last rite of passage - and it has nothing to do with the birthday girl. (Ecuadorian dance parties work in a sequence of 15 minutes of dancing followed by three minutes of recovery before another set comes on.)

And much like a bat mitzvah has events that symbolize the assumption of responsibilities, so too does the quinceñera. Though the significance of this last part was a little lost on me.

All of the birthday girl's best friends line up on the dance floor. Then the birthday girl's chaperon puts a blind fold on. He reaches up the birthday girl's leg and grabs a garter. He takes it off her leg and puts it on the leg of one of her friends, all the while the crowd is cheering for him to put it higher and higher on the girls leg.


But he doesn't stop at just one garter. He performs the same act on every one of the girl's friends, making me feel uncomfortable each time he reached up her leg or one of her friend's. I have tried to think about what this could signify. I have no idea.

After this, I waited around for a few more dance sets before realizing that it was getting a bit late and that I didn't want to sit through this quinceñera all night long.

So I said my farewells and headed home.

---

Is it weird that there is a special birthday party for the girls when they turn fifteen that means that they no accept the responsibil´ities of being a woman in society but there is nothing for the boys? Does that mean they never have to accept responsibilities?

Shabbat dinner: 4-30-10

Every week, we cook shabbat dinner here.

It has become a bit of a tradition in Arenillas. It has become normal to hear Ecuadorians discuss last week's challah, the unlimited possibilities of kugel, or the raw material for making farfel.

Friday night dinners are my favorite time of the week. I have explained this before, but it bears repeating. More so than a religious event, dinner is a time to be spent with family and friends. The week is over. One need not worry about the week that was or the one that will be. One can simply focus on enjoying the food and conversation at the dinner table.

Friday night dinner has become an institution in my house. Some things are constant. Each week, I make a challah and (almost every week) a dessert crisp. I borrow tables and chairs from the ceviche restaurant across the street.

What does vary from week to week are the rest of the menu, the guests, and the shenanigans that are bound to ensue. As a way to remember these dinners, I have decided to include a shabbat dinner feature on the blog. That way, I can share these meals with you and easily refer to the dinner menus.

It has also become a great bonding experience for the volunteers in the area. There are a few other volunteers nearby, and Friday night dinners are a great opportunity for every one to get together.

Without any further ado, last night's dinner:

Menu
Challah with raisins
Blintzes (cream cheese, chocobanana, apple cinnamon)
Hash browns
Fritatta
Blackberry/peach crisp

The menu was a success. One easy metric for shabbat dinner success is the amount of conversation at the table immediately after the food is served. Aside from asking for a certain dish to be passed, the only sound was that of silver wear tapping plates for about ten minutes.

Another metric is the food coma ratio. I think last night's meal achieved an 83 percent food coma ratio.

I have not made blintzes before but learned that they are relatively easy and delicious. An instant classic. They will be back on the menu in two weeks for shavout shabbat. We decided to focus on the sweet blintzes filling but are resolved to attempt savory blintzes one week. Pretty maids all in a row...



This was the first time that I added raisins to the challah. I would say it was well received.

Sarah made a veggie fritatta. We had planned on making a quiche but when we learned that a fritatta is a quiche sans crust, our quiche turned into a fritatta.

Last week, we were kind of bored of making the same crisp dessert so many weeks in a row. But when I brought out dessert, there was nearly a mutiny. The guests demanded a crisp. And well, we had to capitulate.

What broke?

For three consecutive weeks, something in my house has broken during shabbat dinner.

Two weeks ago, my fridge broke during dinner. It spent a week in rehab but is back and better than ever.

Last week, one of our guests tripped over and broke my fan. It spent a day at the repair shop and is now functioning again.

Yesterday, the guests were carrying my glass table (my landlord's glass table) from the kitchen to the living room when the bumped into the door. The glass table top fell and shattered.


Should I start locking all of my stuff up before people come and putting protective plastic on everything else?

Overheard

"Ian, when you go back to the States, you should open up a restaurant."

Google makes me sound like a fool

"For lo the winter has passed. The rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth..."

And the time of sneezing has come?

Well, as the seasons change, and the rainy, unbearably hot winter gives way to comfortable, dry summer, there comes a time when our bodies adjust to the change.

Things will be a bit cooler and a bit less humid. This also means there will be fewer blog posts complaining about the weather.

I'm no medical expert, but it seems that any time there is a season change, my body decides it's a good time for a sinus drainage. I like to think it's my system's way of acclimating to the new conditions.

Well, the issue is that I tried to explain this to some of my friends in town. But they had trouble grasping the idea.

First off, there is really only one type of sickness anybody can suffer from here - gripe (flu). Any time anything is abnormal they decide to pin it in on gripe. Gripe involves sneezing, sniffling, coughing, stomach issues, fever, or any common symptom for that matter. It doesn't matter what combination of symptoms you are showing, you get diagnosed with the same thing - gripe.

The causes of gripe deserve (and will get) their own blog post. Just keep in mind that pretty much any situation can cause gripe.

So when I tried to explain my condition this week - mucus drainage, mild headaches, sneezing attacks, general blah feeling - they told me it was a classic case of gripe.

I said that it wasn't.

I explained that every seasonal change my sinuses drained and that they will bother me for a few days before I'm fully adjusted. The issue is that they don't know what I'm referring to when I explain that my sinuses are bothering me. They have never heard of them before. They prefer to call it "inside forehead."

I don't believe that is an acceptable medical term, so I decided to look it up. Here is what Google told me the Spanish word for sinus is.

Seno.



So I explained this to some of my coworkers. But instead of taking me seriously, they were laughing a little bit. Why?

Well, apparently, seno can mean more than just sinus.



Breast.

No wonder my coworkers were laughing. I told them my breasts were draining because the temperature changed.

Where did he get that sign?

So I was walking through town today when the price board at one of the local butcher shops caught my eye.

Now, I don´t really look at how much a piece of beef will cost me very often, but it was something about the board that drew my attention.

It was the fact that this butcher had yoinked this white board from a nearby school and put it out front of his shop.



How do I know this?

The governor put his name on all the blackboard his government has given to the schools. And this one has his name on it.

I first noticed this a few weeks ago, and the board is still up. I don´t see it going anywhere anytime soon.

Condor 1, Santa Rosa 1

In its first three games this season, Condor was lucky in one and disappointed in the other two.

But by their standards, that's pretty good. And the Condor faithful took notice.

About eight hundred fans come out to the stadium to watch the team take on Santa Rosa yesterday afternoon. It is great to see the community embrace a team that has underachieved for so many years. (If you recall, last year's team was the most successful in recent memory, and I didn't see them score a goal in the three games I attended.)

Despite allowing final-minute goals in consecutive weeks, a win against Santa Rosa would have put Condor at the top of the division and in prime position to advance to the next round.

And for 88 minutes, it looked like Condor would do just that. But once again, a late-game defensive letdown cost Condor the victory.

Once again, Condor had to swallow a bitter tie in a game that it should have won.

Let's put aside all of the blown opportunities to take a 2-0 lead and put Santa Rosa out of the game. (Because if I think about those, it just gets more frustrating) But just recall that if Condor had anything resembling a half-capable striker, it would be winning each of its games by at least three or four goals. But they don't. They didn't even score their lone goal yesterday. Santa Rosa kicked the ball into their own net.

So let's think about what they do have - moderately adequate defense. They have not allowed a single goal in the first 88 minutes of any game this year, which means that they have to be doing something right.

But last-minute, game-tying goals for three straight weeks.

Why does the team repeatedly collapse in the final moments, costing valuable points in the overall standings?

Now, I don't really know who to blame. I'm pretty sure there's enough to go around. Also, I probably don't know enough about soccer to assign blame. But I have seen enough late-game breakdowns to rant for a few lines.

The players probably get tired toward the end of matches and might lose focus. Ninety minutes is a long time to stay mentally sharp on defense. But in soccer, you have to stay sharp for more than 90 minutes if you want to win. Because all it takes is one breakdown in the 95th minute to squander 94 minutes of well-played soccer. Condor showed that two weeks ago in Puerto Bolivar.

The coach could have called for a specific strategy that was the right one at the time, but the players just didn't execute it properly. The players might have been told to continue attacking, knowing that 1-0 is not a comfortable lead. But maybe the players started to feel comfortable and thought they could coast.

But after three weeks of the same story, I'm starting to look at coach Roberto Salazar. He needs to get the point across to his players. If its a technical breakdown, that needs to be corrected. If it's a focus issue, he should get his team focused for the full 90 minutes of play.

Salazar needs to shore things up if Condor wants to advance to the next round of the tournament. Condor currently sits in second place in the overall standings (six points). Santa Rose leads (eight points) and next week's opponent, Fuerza Amarilla, is in third (four points). The top two teams advance, and there are two more weeks of matches.

A win against Fuerza Amarilla would nearly guarantee Condor's classification for the next round. But a home loss would definitely put that in question.

After writing those last few paragraphs, I thought that I might have turned into your standard, illogical soccer fan, who blames every problem on the coach and then says that said coach is worthless and should be fired. I feel that my analysis was logical enough, and fair enough to Prof. Salazar (all soccer coaches are referred to as professor here).

Nuggets:

• I was really the Condor's fans showing up this week. But I was a bit disappointed in the instruments they brought to cheer on the local squad.

Santa Rosa travelled with what appeared to be a full percussion section, plus some guy with a horn that made all sorts of noises.

Condor didn't have anything. We need cowbell.

• The local radio station broadcasts every soccer game. But they don't have any fancy transmitting equipment at the stadium. Instead, the announcers just talk into the radio station owner's cell phone, which is connected to the microphone at the radio studio.

• The AREvista soccer reporter has helped out with the radio broadcast the last few weeks as the official time keeper and score board reporter. It's pretty cool for him.

Connected

I'm sitting in my living room, writing this blog post, and I feel connected to the world for the first time in a year.

Is it because I'm connected to the Internet? No.

It's because I'm also listening to the Don Telmo y Segundo Morning Show on 107.1 Radio Voz de Arenillas, the local radio station, on my newly purchased radio.



I bought it in Huaqillas yesterday for seven dollars, including batteries. A good purchase, I believe, because it lets me listen to Telmo and Segundo mornings, Jennifer Lopez mid-mornings, Juventud Extrema afternoons, the youth radio show Sunday mornings, every Condor game, and much more.

I have listened quite a bit over the last year, mostly because my neighbors started blasting to the morning show as soon as it started at 6:00 A.M. but now I can control my listening schedule and understand what they are saying (because I don't have to listen through the wall).

So far this morning, the host, Telmo, has congratulated his daughter on her birthday over 20 times. Then, a local restaurant called in and offered a free dinner to Don Telmo and his family. He has announced the official time over 35 times in the 22 minutes I've listened this morning, and one of the morning show guys had to duck out for some undisclosed reason.

It's a bit of a slow news day, I guess.

Now, he is talking about how the national sports ministry has built 48 soccer fields in the neighboring county over the last year and that one of the rural townships in Arenillas is petitioning the government to construct a stadium for them.

How have I lived without this?

Nothing inspires like Indiana

I was sitting on my hammock the other night, reading my book when there was a knock at the door.

I answer the door and see one of our newspaper kids standing there with her younger brother. We go over a few newspaper items first, but I can tell something is eating at them. They have something to ask and are just waiting for the right moment.

Then it arrived.

Kids: Ian, have you ever been to Indiana before?
Ian: Yes
Kids eyes get really big, and the jaws dropped. (I've never seen a jaw drop quite like this.) They stood there for a moment in awe.
Ian: Why?
Kids: One of the Mormons is from there and talks about how great it is.

Now, I have spent a bit of time in Indiana. Nothing that I have seen in my time in the Crossroads could evoke an awe-inspiring description of the place.

This really makes me wonder what he could have said to generate that type of enthusiasm for something you have to pass through on the way to Chicago. So I decided to make a list of mildly interesting facts about Indiana.

Let me know if you find these mildly interesting, so that I can get a clue as to why these kids were so interested in Indiana.

• Fort Wayne hosts the Johnny Appleseed festival every September at Johnny Appleseed Park.
• Apparently, the most successful goldfish farm in history was in Martinsville.
• Ambrose Burnside, the inspiration behind this, was born in Liberty, Indiana.
• Indiana is also known as "Mother of Vice Presidents" because five vice presidents hail from there.
• I guess the fact that the Jacksons are from Gary doesn't hurt the state's legacy down here. If only the people knew what Gary was like.
• Orville Redenbacher is from Indiana and studied at Purdue.
• There is a plant there called the bearberry.
• Lewis and Clark set out from there on their journey westward.
• One of the world's best violinists, Joshua Bell, was born there.
• Parks County is considered the covered bridge capital of the world with 32 covered bridges.
• Former president Benjamin Harrison is known as the only president from Indiana, but he didn't live there until he was 21.
• James Dean, Vivica A. Fox and the Ultimate Warrior are from Indiana
• Indiana is one of the thirteen states that is divided into more than one time zone.
• Socialist Eugene V. Debs is from Terre Haute
• Cole Porter and Axl Rose are from Indiana. Most likely the first time they were ever mentioned in the same sentence.

Please take my five dollars

My electrical bill last month came out to $4.80.

The amount is minimal, but the hassle to get that paid off is great.

You see, the electric company doesn't have its own office where you can pay your bill. There is no online bill pay, either.

You need to go to your local bank branch.

Keep in mind that you aren't the only person who has to do this. Everybody in town has to. And since everybody gets their bill around the same time and only has one week to pay before incurring penalties, there is quite a line at the bank.

I don't even have to get into how slow the bank line can move because some people actually go to the bank for real bank business that takes time. It's best to clear out half a day, just in case the line moves slower than normal.

There is another option, though.

One of the pharmacies in town also functions as an ATM for the bank. Their sign says that you can pay the electric bill there, but their machine is about as reliable as — well anything else in this society.

Well, the last day to pay deadline was quickly approaching, and my bill remained unpaid. I have been so busy with work that I haven't been able to clear my schedule, so I popped into the pharmacy today on the chance that I could get that monkey off my back.

Ian: I'd like to pay my electric bill. Can I do that here?
Pharmacist: No.
Ian: OK. But why is there a pile of 300 electric bill receipts on the counter?
Pharmacist: People have paid their electric bill.
Ian: I'd like to do the same.
Pharmacist: I guess you could pay here. You know you can also pay at the bank?

Pirate on the bus?

I heard a chirping on the bus back from Machala today.

That's pretty standard because people will frequently take their little chickens on the bus. So I didn't think much of it.

Then I looked up from my book and saw that a guy standing in the aisle had a parakeet perched on his shoulder. He was just chillin' there.

A few minutes later, the happy little parakeet left a happy little doo doo on the dude's shirt. The turd started at the guys shoulder line and, thanks to gravity, slowly dripped its was down the guys back.

I didn't take a picture of this fake pirate because the bus isn't the safest place, and real pirates frequent the bus and plunder for electronics.

(The guy on the bus did not have any pegged or hooked extremities.)

LIfe in a plastic bag

The plastic bag is more than a container made of flexible material with an opening on top that can be used to carry things.

It is a way of life.

The plastic bag is everywhere in Ecuadorian society.

At the market, paper or plastic isn't an option.

You just choose what size plastic bag you want to carry home.

But plastic bag usage goes well beyond the realm of groceries. It seeps into aspects of society you would never consider.

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Imagine it's a scorching hot afternoon, like yesterday. You are hoofing through town, sweating bullets as you track down kids in your newspaper group.

You are dying for some cold water, so you go to the corner store and ask for some cold water.

The owner reaches into his fridge and pulls out a bag. Drinking water comes in bags down here. You can find it in small bags of one liter, which are for personal consumption, or the larger four-liter variety, perfect for groups.

The proper technique for opening a bag of water is biting a hole in the corner of the bag and sipping the water out of the opening - using the power of suction. For the four-liter bag, one should use scissors to create an opening near the top of the bag and rely on gravity to pour the water into waiting cups.

Small bags of water cost ten cents, while the larger ones will run you forty. The small bags of water actually come in a larger bag of bags of water. (They say he carved it out of an even bigger spoon)

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Now, let's say you are thirsty for some juice. So you go to your juice stand.

As the juicer is juicing the fruit to make juice, you realize you don't have enough time to sit and enjoy your juice in the glass cups the juice stand offers. (Five times in that last sentence) You are in a rush.

So you ask for it to go. As soon as it is out of the blender, the employee pours your beverage in a waiting plastic bag with straw sticking out of it.

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Maybe you want to treat yourself to an ice cream. Who needs the stick? Why not just squeeze it out of a bag.

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I know that in the States, you have ketchup packets. But here, it's not just the personal sizes that come in a squeezable container. You can find large quantities of the most common condiments in a bags. Sorry, I don't have a picture to go with this example.

Just take my word for it. (Ugh, I can actually hear you getting fatter.)

Condor 1, Fuerza Amarilla 1

In the first minutes of last night's game against Machala's Fuerza Amarilla, Condor had a golden opportunity for a goal when a striker broke free and was all alone against the goalie.

He missed, badly. The radio announcer said that Condor's forwards continued their erratic play.

He was wrong.

They haven't been erratic in any way. Condor's forwards have been consistent through two games this season.

In the club's opening two matches, the forwards have had at least ten breakaway, one-on-the-goalie chances and have not converted one of those.

Their inability to find the net continued in last night's 1-1 tie in Puerto Bolivar - a game that Condor should have won by a comfortable margin. Instead, a 95th-minute, game-tying goal set the tone for a glum bus ride back to Arenillas.

Condor had a few great opportunities in the first half but couldn't convert. In the 20th minute of the second half, it should have gotten easier for them when Fuerza Amarilla's goalie drew a red card (and automatic ejection) for tripping a Condor player in the 18-yard box.

Fuerza Amarilla only had one goalie in uniform and were forced to move a midfielder between the pipes. He allowed a goal on the ensuing penalty kick (nearly saved it, though) but was lights out for the rest of the game. He stoned a Condor striker on back-to-back chances from point-blank range.

Condor created more good chances on net but couldn't finish. At one point they caught the opposing goalie so far out of position and had such a wide open net and so much time to score that every one in the stadium assumed he was going to score.

He didn't. The Arenillas radio announcer said "It was more difficult to miss the net than to score a goal, but he managed to do just that."

Condor has scored two goals through two games now and didn't earn either of them, while blowing several great chances.

In soccer, the general logic is that in a game between two evenly matched teams, the road team would be content to salvage a tie. The idea being that if they can get a tie on the road, they should be able to win at home.

But you can't apply it to last night's game, especially with a game at division-leading Santa Rosa next weekend (Santa Rosa won at Santos FC yesterday afternoon).

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Nuggets

• Last night's game was played in Puerto Bolivar, which is part of Machala. It is the the principle banana-exporting port. Other than that, Puerto Bolivar has a reputation for good seafood and not being a place to walk around after dark.

• I went with the sports writer for AREvista. He had a great time and was the official timekeeper on the radio broadcast. The radio guy liked working with him so much that he wants to include our writer in regular coverage for the team.

• We got to the stadium, and the team management realized that it didn't bring the medical kit (A perfect no pasa nada situation). But in soccer, the spray on stuff that the trainer puts on an uninjured player while he is rolling around the field, whining about an injury he didn't sustain is the most important piece of equipment. They also bought some athletic tape.

• The Condor-Fuerza Amarilla match was part of a doubleheader at the stadium. The second match featured the hometown Bolivar against Machala-based Audaz Octubrino. The fans for these two teams slowly filtered into the stadium throughout the second half.

Putting it lightly, these teams had much better fans than Fuerza Amarilla. The Puerto Bolivar fans had foam hats made, giant signs tied the fence, and a big base drum. It looked like Audaz Octubrino brought a full percussion section and a few trumpets. This made it seem quite rowdy toward the end of the game, even though these fans had no rooting interest in the earlier game. (Obviously I would have taken a picture of the bands and hats and signs, but I already told you about Puerto's reputation. Camera stayed at home.)

If one were to measure the quality of a team by the quality of its fans, which I think is a pretty good measurement, I wouldn't want to face Audaz Octubrino or Bolivar.

• I think the majority of percussion instruments in Latin America are almost exclusively used at soccer stadiums.

• I think I heard the Fuerza Amarilla fans once. And to be honest, they were quite lame. Their only cheer was a rah-rah-rah Fuerza Amarilla. Lame.

• Condor's defense has played relatively well in the first two games. Aside from a last-second goal on a missed assignment in the 95th minute last night, they hadn't allowed a goal. The goalie has played very well, and I can't remember the opposition having any one-on-the-goalie chances that have been so readily wasted by Condor.

• Last week, Condor had to play in hand-me-down uniforms. This week, they finally had new kits to wear. On the bus on the way to the stadium, the players opened the bag of uniforms and had a bit of a fashion show on the way to the stadium.

Then when we got to the stadium, the team's management wanted to take a picture of the team in their new gear. But he realized that he forgot the camera and asked me if I brought mine.

I said I didn't, and he asked why.

"We're in Puerto."

"Cierto."